Just a place for me to spill my thoughts and feeli

I hate emotions and feelings so much. I like you, I really like you. I don’t know why, I just do, I really wish I didn’t. 

Ahhh shite. Probs have to delete this Tumblr since someone I know has found it. Bugger.

I hate feeling like this. When you really like someone but you just know that you don’t have a chance at all. And you just feel hopeless and urgh.

Forgot I even had this blog. Havn’t been on it in months. But I think it’s time to start opening up again on it.

Tonight has been so awkward and like, I keep doubting my feelings about people like, who are my froends, who aren’t and all sorts and like, I just want it to stop and go away but it wont, I keep doubting my relationship with Mike and wanting to just scream but I always convince myself not to, I know I like him a lot but like, I don’t fully know what’s gonna happen with us in the future and it scares me. I keep looking at myself and then at like, other girls and just thinking he could be so much happier with them than with me and I know I’m the best looking girl ever and I dislike so much about myself and I’m so insecure, I just wanna curl up into a ball and just cry and everything but I don’t want Mike to feel like I’m the kind of Girlfriend that just wants attention all the time because I’m not. I just want all of this to go away and urgh. I feel so shitty.

I feel in love from the moment we kissed.
These lyrics are so true right now. I didn’t want to fall for you because you move away soon because of work. But lately, like, idk, I’ve just been falling for you more and more. I never thought I’d love anyone as much as I loved Daniel but you’re starting to prove that wrong. I don’t know what it is about you that I love so much, personality, green eyes, shitty jokes that are so shit they’re funny anyways, I don’t know. But you’re just so, perfect. Like all our little car journeys when you drive us to places, laying in bed, just being out and about, you just make me happy. Really happy.
 

Urgh. I hate that you only talk to me when you want me for something or need me for something or if you’ve split up with your girlfriend. I know I’m not the best looking of people but seriously, stop crawling to me like a last resort. Do you know how shit that makes me feel? I am not some toy that you can just pick up for 5 minutes then drop again because you found a new one. I’m there for you because I’m a good mate and it appears a push over, but not this time. Idgaf if you got dumped, go cry to someone else, not me. I’m not gonna be there anymore for you, you never are for me. You always do this to me, you always walk in, fuck my head over and my life and then leave again.
I have a boyfriend this time round, I’m actually happy with him and that will never, ever happen with you.
Just go away, crawl back into your hole and leave me alone. I am not your toy.
You don’t talk to me for months at a time and then just want me to come over, no! it’s just not gonna happen.
You infuriate me so much and I really do dislike you. 

I really wish my friend Adam could just find a girl that will treat him right and just accept him and understand and I’m just sat here crying over these pictures of himself harming and omfg. I just want him to be happy for once and to finally find someone who will love him and make him happy. I know I can’t be that girl as much as wants it to be at times I just can’t.

His medication isn’t helping and neither is this girl. his last girlfriend dumped him for his mental illness which he can’t help at all and I just wish I could just make everything better for him and make him happy but I just can’t. 

The fact that he feels the need to do that to himself has really upset me and omfg. 

I don’t really expect to get any followers on here I’ve got it to just literally write down all my thoughts on people, all my feelings, literally anything so that it’s not on my actual blog. So yeah. If I mention you in any of the posts and you find this blog, deal with it.